The Truth about Why Women and Men can't be "Just Friends" [VIDEO]
Credit to: patvicious1
I don't believe this video above is totally necessary to drive home the fact that women and men can't be just friends, but the sample of people interviewed is most certainly reflects the larger part of society and transcends race, culture and religion. It really should be common knowledge.
It's just not possible for Men and Women to just be friends. If a guy or girl has a friend that is of the opposite sex, a homegirl/homeboy or what have you and believes things will always be strictly platonic, they are fooling themselves! If not on one end of the spectrum, then definitely on the man's end.
Update (10/22/12): ScientificAmerican.com recently put up on article which gave results of a study conducted by researchers who brought 88 under-graduate opposite-gender friends to their labs for testing, asking them various confidential questions regarding their attraction to their friend. The article basically concludes that Men and Women ultimately can't be "just friends" because males will undoubtedly have urges and primal attraction to their lady friends despite having a platonic relationship. From the article: "So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis." (My Thoughts: Booyah!)
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The male will develop feelings, and if not feelings then thoughts, which can develop into impure thoughts about that same friend, whether they like it or not. Back in high school and such, I had a good number of homegirls def. friends that happened to be girls. I was polite to them, we talked about school, joked and whatnot but as I got more religious, I began distancing myself from them. Because for males it will happen sooner or later because we were programmed in such a way where close, frequent and consistent interaction with a woman triggers something in our psyche that makes us yearn for carnal contact. Intimacy. There's no denying it.
As exemplified by the verse above, the issue of gender co-mingling is acknowledged and addressed in the Qur'an and Islamic teachings (lower your gaze, guard your modesty) and thats why Muslims go to certain lengths and have gender separation and keeping contact to the absolute minimum. Gender mixing is discouraged unless its for a clean, wholesome reason like for education or to talk business or for a good cause. And even then there has to be a chaperone of some sort to keep a watchful eye out for any hanky panky that may be attempted. Non-related men and women are not allowed to be alone together in a room or talking on the phone at length alone to discourage the opportunity to even come across a thought of intimacy. Even professional handshakes are supposed to be avoided. This is all because even the most innocent of things can be a gateway to something more and Islam has these certain rulings to put a squash to that.
I admit,sometimes it's not handled in the best of ways, sometimes it may come off as sexist or jerky depending on how certain interactions are dealt with but the meat of the matter is to protect both men and women from potentially harming themselves or their souls. Some may even say that "why can't men just control themselves?". Well, to that, I can only respond that sometimes its made hard for them. The Qur'an also said that Mankind was created weak in nature. So these certain accomodations are to at least make things a little easier in order to preserve and protect one's modesty like the Holy book speaks of.
To the guys: Come on, now! Be honest with yourself. Look at your women friends. I'm sure you're friends with them partially because they are attractive to you in some way. It might not be the main reason, but its in the back of your head. And vice versa with women or else you truly wouldn't have them hanging around you so much. Back to the men, I'm dead certain if given the opportunity, for instance your lady friend gets dumped or calls it quit with who she's with, you would not hesitate to jump on her and hook up.
I could go on and on about this but to sum it up: Men and Women can't truly "just be friends". There's no use even debating it. Maybe acquaintances and that may not even be the best word for it.
Male/female friendships really fall into these categories. Go ahead and tell me I'm lyin':
-"someone I'm cool with until I get horny",
-"future hookup that I'm nice to for now" aka Rebound in backpocket
-"person I'm playing nice with to get to their cute friend that I want to hook up with"
-"person who's like a brother/sister to me but if the opportunity presents itself, I'd hit."
At best, the only way a "friendship" can work and stay platonic is if the participating men and women can be cordial and polite while keeping things brief, professional and to the point and not hanging out at length since it leaves the door open for flirting, personal questions and tomfoolery. You wanna hook up? Get married. That's your hookup. Anything more than that is "nothin' but trouble" like Will Smith so eloquently put it.
Feel free to comment on this below:
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest.” (An-Nur: 30-31)
As exemplified by the verse above, the issue of gender co-mingling is acknowledged and addressed in the Qur'an and Islamic teachings (lower your gaze, guard your modesty) and thats why Muslims go to certain lengths and have gender separation and keeping contact to the absolute minimum. Gender mixing is discouraged unless its for a clean, wholesome reason like for education or to talk business or for a good cause. And even then there has to be a chaperone of some sort to keep a watchful eye out for any hanky panky that may be attempted. Non-related men and women are not allowed to be alone together in a room or talking on the phone at length alone to discourage the opportunity to even come across a thought of intimacy. Even professional handshakes are supposed to be avoided. This is all because even the most innocent of things can be a gateway to something more and Islam has these certain rulings to put a squash to that.
I admit,sometimes it's not handled in the best of ways, sometimes it may come off as sexist or jerky depending on how certain interactions are dealt with but the meat of the matter is to protect both men and women from potentially harming themselves or their souls. Some may even say that "why can't men just control themselves?". Well, to that, I can only respond that sometimes its made hard for them. The Qur'an also said that Mankind was created weak in nature. So these certain accomodations are to at least make things a little easier in order to preserve and protect one's modesty like the Holy book speaks of.
To the guys: Come on, now! Be honest with yourself. Look at your women friends. I'm sure you're friends with them partially because they are attractive to you in some way. It might not be the main reason, but its in the back of your head. And vice versa with women or else you truly wouldn't have them hanging around you so much. Back to the men, I'm dead certain if given the opportunity, for instance your lady friend gets dumped or calls it quit with who she's with, you would not hesitate to jump on her and hook up.
I could go on and on about this but to sum it up: Men and Women can't truly "just be friends". There's no use even debating it. Maybe acquaintances and that may not even be the best word for it.
Male/female friendships really fall into these categories. Go ahead and tell me I'm lyin':
-"someone I'm cool with until I get horny",
-"future hookup that I'm nice to for now" aka Rebound in backpocket
-"person I'm playing nice with to get to their cute friend that I want to hook up with"
-"person who's like a brother/sister to me but if the opportunity presents itself, I'd hit."
At best, the only way a "friendship" can work and stay platonic is if the participating men and women can be cordial and polite while keeping things brief, professional and to the point and not hanging out at length since it leaves the door open for flirting, personal questions and tomfoolery. You wanna hook up? Get married. That's your hookup. Anything more than that is "nothin' but trouble" like Will Smith so eloquently put it.
Feel free to comment on this below:
Great blog and very true. Haha the video shows how naive girls, including myself, can be. Guys know the real deal.
ReplyDeleteIn my case I was trying to convince one of my potential suitors that men and women can't be friends. He insisted that they could as long as they knew their boundaries and he would know if the girl was attracted to him or flirting and back away. Ha! I said that he can't read a girl's mind so if she is attracted to him then she is going to be subtle. This same guy I think did not like the fact that I kept looking at my hands when I was talking to him. I am not a shy person, but I still felt like it was wrong to just stare at him the whole time we were talking. I know the rules are different when you are looking to get married, but he was still a stranger to me and I did not feel comfortable looking into his eyes the entire hour we were speaking. Obviously that did not work out. Inshallah soon.
ReplyDeleteBig thumbs up to you lower your gaze, sister. Yeah, you would think that men would have an easier time believing/accepting the statement that we can't be friends as was shown by the video of all the men saying it was just not possible. Friends are different from acquaintances and those people you just say hi to and chit-chat with every now and then. It's possible for a man to have female acquaintences, since meetings and interaction are short and to-the-point and they go on their merry way.
ReplyDeleteFriends require extended time and frequent meetups. For a man to have this type of requirement with a woman? Ehhh, just doesn't sound like the best situation. There may be a lingering intention to be "more than friends". It may not show up right away but more often than not, it comes up.
I know this is a bit off record but are tattoos permissable?
ReplyDeleteHey Anon,
ReplyDeleteTattoos are not permissable in mainstream Islam as they are a form of vandilization to the body God gave you. I do however, see Muslims with tats, even those in Arabic and Allahs name on them, but they are of the Shia sect. If one has a tattoo and converts to Islam or had no knowledge until after getting a tattoo, then there is no harm on them because they got the tat in a state of ignorence.
Thanks for reading my blog. Much appreciated.