The No BS Guide to the 2016 Presidential Election for Those who Despise Politics (Like me)

Yeah I know what you're thinking. It's the middle of 2016 and I'm just now writing about the election. So I'm jumping into this a little late alright? Being on hiatus for so long, I have to play catch-up on a lot of hot blog topics so here goes.

First, a disclaimer. As the title says, this is a guide for those who despise politics. I would be one of them. Trust me, I've tried to get into it and feel like it's my duty to be at the very least be informed but cot' damn I can't stand the garbage! As a child, I used to think that I just needed to get older to care about politics and that soon enough I'd be watching CNN all day like my dad does but NOPE--almost 29 years old and still can't stand CNN, C-SPAN, and all the talking heads blowing hot air either lambasting political leaders or being engaged in a circle jerk. This is my good faith attempt to breakdown the election and the candidates and the implications of the upcoming election(which aren't good either way). Without further ado...

So it's election season, Obama will finally be moving on and a guaranteed new President will be ushering in a new era. Some are naturally excited about change happening, others are a bit pessimistic. Than you have the few, mainly the younger crowd, that doesn't give a damn either way and are too busy being glued to their phones on the all-important hunt for Pokemon monsters.

America is hurting right now. The financial crisis, the ever increasing gap between the rich and poor. The Middle class getting completely reamed by taxes while Corporations and the wealthy are spared by loopholes. We have cops across the nation killing black people left and right on camera and getting let off scot-free. We have Islamophobia getting out of hand because of ISIS and these other lunatic groups. Public shootings abundant. Racists are coming out of the woodwork like the civil rights movement of the 60's never happened. And because of a law that has passed, some folks are up in arms about this over all the more important issues:

So folks are wanting some serious change to happen on both sides of the political spectrum and believe that electing a new figurehead of the country will bring about radical change (lol). The primaries are behind us and it's been narrowed down to two candidates for the parties: Hillary Friggin' Clinton and Donald Friggin' Trump.

Seriously, These are Our Best Options?

Man, out of all the politicians that America keeps churning out, these were the "best" of the bunch. And folks wonder why the majority of young people don't bother voting or people start claiming that they are leaving the country after "so and so" is elected.

Donald Trump

I still think this is a joke being played on the world. I feel like Ashton Kutcher is going to announce that we've all been punked. I am begging for this just to be a big publicity stunt and that Trump is really just promoting a reboot of The Apprentice. But yes, Donald Trump beat out the other crummy Republican party candidates and may very well be our next president. It was funny for a little bit at the beginning seeing him sound like an idiot during the debates and parts of his campaign but now not so much. The guy who's most known for calling Rosie O'Donnell a "fat pig", his bright blond wig and perving on his daughters is potentially our next Commander In Chief.

But I shouldn't be surprised. I mean I was scratching my head when he was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. That's a pro wrestling Hall of Fame people. An event that he has no business being in and he was INDUCTED. And here he is now being a part of another thing that he has no business being a part of as a legit candidate and because of a lot of low-life ignorant people showing up on election day, may be ELECTED.

Donald Trump is the epitome of a buffoon. He hardly talks about real issues and instead makes fun of the appearance of his opponents like a child. Not to mention the fact that he is prejudice as hell and his rallies are inciting the most bottom-feeding types of people to come out of the shadows and pledge their support of him. It's like his main supporters are made up entirely of YouTube commenters, the absolute scum of the earth.

Now I don't necessarily think that him getting elected means that it's the end of the world. He's not the anti-Christ or anything but he will make for a pretty shi--y president and further make the USA the laughingstock of the world. The guy can't even take a Stone Cold Stunner correctly, and people expect him to run the country correctly? SMH.

I can get used to seeing this on a loop, though.

Hillary Clinton

On the other hand we have a perpetual liar who will say anything to get herself elected. I honestly don't know what Hillary's obsession is with being President so badly. She's been trying forever to run and has failed and dropped out time and again. You would think this would be her biggest shot against a total rubbish candidate like Trump but she very likely could lose because there's a lot of stupid people in the country willing to vote for Donald. I question her competency as well since apparently she doesn't know how email accounts work.

Hillary claims to be a woman of the people but her financial backers make her appear otherwise. As an article on Citypages entitled Meet the Mutants: A presidential guide for people who hate politics hilariously stated, "Her biggest donors read like the starting lineup for the Apostles of Satan softball team, including JP Morgan, Citigroup, and Morgan Stanley." In debates with Bernie Sanders, it was revealed she was paid $200,000 to give a speech to Goldman Sach execs. Sanders also busted her out on a lot of her BS but for some reason she still wound up winning the primaries because people feared Sanders actually, y'know, wanting true structural change to happen in the country.

The majority of people want these corporate entities and to be taxed fairly and stay out of politics and for those on Wall Street to be held accountable for their reckless behavior but if Hillary is being bank rolled by them, it's highly likely that she won't be doing a thing about that. I truly feel that instead of inciting true change, she's really just doing this for the glory of being the first woman to be president and to toot her own horn to Bill rather than using her executive powers to shake things up a bit. I wish there was a video of Hillary getting a stunner too, but I'll just settle for Linda McMahon subbing in for her. Stone Cold, will you please?

Just as bad as Trump. (Hillary's New Campaign Slogan?)

There's some Hope At Least

My boy Bernie Sanders is out of the running now but he could still be written in. There will be third party candidates as well I'm sure since no one wants there to only be two choices that are essentially two different flavors of sh*t sandwich. Either way, no matter if Trump or Clinton win, we'll be alright. The Presidency isn't a totalitarian dictatorship and has to deal with the all the checks and balances of government. (And by God if Trump wins, please government, check and balance, "the sh*t out of him")

I'm sure many folks will consider not voting, I admittedly didn't vote in the last election in 2012 because I didn't really see a point. My stance has changed since then and I'll be voting once again and I urge a lot of the young, apathetic crowd to get into it as well. We can't have a bunch of old farts being the majority of those who turn out to vote. If more young people voted than almost certainly candidates would change entirely to fit our wants and needs and we'd have a voice on issues that concern us rather than some rich gray haired white guys. We would have the power to drastically shift the political landscape where the focus would be more on stuff we care about that is actually important and will bring about structural change to truly make the country great again, and not have it be a campaign slogan for Donald's inept behind.

I'll end with this quote that really sets things in a neat perspective by late author David Foster Wallace:

“If you are bored and disgusted by politics and don't bother to vote, you are in effect voting for the entrenched Establishments of the two major parties, who please rest assured are not dumb, and who are keenly aware that it is in their interests to keep you disgusted and bored and cynical and to give you every possible reason to stay at home doing one-hitters and watching MTV on primary day. By all means stay home if you want, but don't bullshit yourself that you're not voting. In reality, there is no such thing as not voting: you either vote by voting, or you vote by staying home and tacitly doubling the value of some Diehard's vote.”

― David Foster Wallace, Up, Simba!

Now to go wash this bad politics aftertaste out, blah. Peace everyone.