Thursday, May 9, 2013

Osombie? Seriously?

I love Netflix. Sure it doesn't have the latest movie releases (that's what Redbox is for) but I save a ton of money not having to pay a cable bill. I've had a blast "binge-viewing" shows that I've finally gotten around to like Lost and Breaking Bad--watching entire seasons in mere days (if not in one sitting). I squeal with glee from the occasional hidden gems which pop up when I do a random search (Coming to America, Beverley Hills Cop and other Eddie Murphy pre-disney bastardization laugh riots). Heck, part of the reason why I haven't blogged regularly in so long is because of this glorious productivity-killing streaming portal of dreams (kinda like the land of Zamunda). 

What I also love about Netflix is that it gives Indie filmmakers a chance to have their films and documentaries be seen by more eyes through having it available on the streaming service. Sure a lot of them look like unappealing stinkers, but at least the opportunity is there for them to showcase their work to a wider audience than their own parents, classmates and friends.

But the movie Osombie really makes me want to rethink my previous statement. When I saw this on my routine perusal of Netflix's newly added lineup and read the description, the bewilderment that came over me was indescribable.

 I honestly don't know where or how they gathered up the fundages to produce this flaming piece of garbage but they did (apparently resorting to Kickstarter to aid them in affording to complete the post-production) and now it's on Netflix for the world to see...and skip over. What's Osombie you ask? (cute title by the way, I guess). Let me just copy and paste the official blurb since I don't even wanna bother putting the synopsis in my own words.

The story follows Dusty, a yoga instructor from Colorado, who is on a desperate rescue mission to save her crazy brother Derek, a conspiracy theorist who is convinced Osama Bin Laden is still alive, despite having been buried at sea. In Afghanistan, Dusty falls in with a team of NATO Special Forces on a secret assignment. Turns out Derek is not so crazy after all, and that Osama has returned from his watery grave and is making an army of zombie terrorists. When the group crashes headlong into the growing zombie apocalypse, Dusty and the troops must find and destroy the root of the zombie insurgency before it infests the rest of the world.
Yep, that's right. They made a Osama Bin Laden zombie movie. The sequel to Zero Dark Thirty, apparently. Osama returns from his "Islamic burial at sea" and is ready to rape, pillage, eat human flesh and make grainy "I did it" video messages all over again. 

I mean I know the Zombie apocalypse theme is a cash cow right now that Hollywood is jumping all over but the developers of this film couldn't possibly believe they had some sort of super smash-hit on their hands with this, right?

I haven't seen the movie yet but I have seen the insipid trailer for it and judging by the "acting" I saw, whoever sits through the film is in for a cinematic disaster of 9/11 proportions (yes, it was only fitting that I go there.) The trailer honestly doesn't even need to foreshadow that the film would be horrible since just seeing the title and--after deciphering the pun--makes it crystal clear.

So consider this pretty much a review of the movie without myself even seeing it. Maybe one day, I'll get around to it and give the movie 90 mins of my time just to confirm the level of dreadfulness the movie contains. Or I could just write another blog post, that would be a good idea.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my God...this is bad. I don't know if I should LOL or cringe. For game it's one thing, but for movie? Too ridiculous even for non-muslims. ***Double Facepalm***