6 Creepy "Muslim" Men All Women should Avoid

Come little children, gather round the campfire. It's horror story time.

Have you heard this scary tale?

American girl meets exotic Muslim boy. Sparks fly. Love is in the air. Muslim boy proposes marriage. American girl excitedly agrees. BUT American girl needs to convert first. Huh? We didn't talk about religion at all before? Doesn't matter. Say some Arabic words (shahadah) and throw this thing on your head (hijab) and you're good. Now the story can take a variety of horrifying interesting turns...


It is here when American girl finds out Muslim boy is either not a citizen or has to go back to his confusing home country and wants American girl to come with. Or Muslim boy has some enormously lucrative and important job which translates to him never being home so he tells American girl to make some friends at the local masjid, a place he barely ever goes to himself. Or Muslim boy comes out and tells American girl he's kinda sorta still married to his ex-wife with whom he has three children. Before American girl can back out of this predicament, it's too late. She's been impregnated as well. Or Muslim boy breaks it to Muslim girl that his mother will now be living in their home. Reluctantly, American girl agrees but is filled with regret when she realizes that Muslim boy's mommy is an overbearing control freak who can never be satisfied. Or...

I could go on and on but I'll stop it right there.

Sad thing is, these are all true stories I've heard in one way or another. Maybe it's a YouTube video, or an article I find online. Sometimes it's my wife who tells me some of these terrifying tales. Heck--I've even heard stuff like this during a woman's convert story!

Frankly, it sickens me to hear women being introduced to Islam in the form of some "Muslim" womanizer attempting to woo the pants off of them. It's come to the point where I think some of these brothers who claim to be Muslim are just vultures of American or western women. Oh the allure of the fair-skinned damsel! And then they start drooling like Homer Simpson.

This is becoming an epidemic. Western women are being targeted by these Muslim Romeos. I don't know how they do it but they say all the right things to sweep these girls right off their feet. They deliver all these grandiose promises and BAM! The women are trapped and then hit with the requirement to be Muslim and seal the deal. Once this takes place, a whirlwind of BS soon follows and the poor woman is usually stuck. Sure some find a way out and enlighten themselves, or some even take charge and maybe even change the man for the better but I believe those are few and far between.

I have compiled a list--specifically for non-Muslim women and Muslim sisters looking to get married--of men they should steer clear of or else face a possible lifetime of disaster. Now these type of guys are profile based. Archetypes, you might say. I can't single out a particular race or nationality cause A) that would be unfair to paint a certain ethnicity of people with a broad brush and B) these type of Men usually transcend nationality and socioeconomic status anyway.

For the sake of your well being, here are the 6 Creepy "Muslim" Men all Women must avoid.



The Muslim Fabio

Signs: Looks like he jumped out of a GQ Magazine ad. Always dresses to perfection. Frequents the gym, the mall and the beauty supply store. Even though he's Muslim, the only thing he makes sure to do a minimum of 5 times a day is admire himself in the mirror.  During Friday prayers, the occasions where he actually does care enough to show up, he's the last to arrive and the first to leave. Reeks of cologne though it is mixed with the smell of Hookah smoke. Has a lot of trouble lowering his gaze and sisters have a lot of trouble lowering their gaze towards him. Is skilled in the art of romance. For some reason he says all the right things to make a woman feel good about herself.

Why He's A Creep: Nothing in the way he presents himself is authentic. Every bit of his personality is borrowed from movies, TV shows, and popular culture. It's a shock that a person like him is even considering marriage since that would mean no other women can get a swing at him (maybe to make mama happy). Even if he were to tie the knot, he would revel in the fact that women still ogle him. If you get jealous, you're in the wrong because he can't help looking so dead sexy!  Once you break through the surface, you realize there's nothing there. Guys like this are almost no different from any of the other non-Muslim sleazeballs with lame pick-up lines. He's probably an advocate for Nikah Mu'tah, the un-Islamic and outlawed practice of marrying for a set amount of time--be it a month, a year, a week-- just to have guilt-free sex! Of course, that's if he's even heard of it since with all the time he spends beautifying himself, he doesn't have any residual time to learn about the ins and outs of his religion. If he's getting married, it's for show. His ego is way too big to settle on one woman. If someone were to be be reeled in by his charm, it wouldn't be long before he brings up the "2nd wife" talk--and that's only if  he's not fooling around with another female already.

Your Move: If you find yourself in the presence of a guy like this, shut him down immediately. It's likely you're the 4th or 5th woman that he used that pickup line on that same night. Usually if you throw some Islamic phrases out or even gear the topic to a Muslim theme, he'll likely abort mission. Or just call him "brother" as in "Brother, I don't think you're supposed to mingle on the sisters side." That's sure to kill things.


Richie Rich

Signs: He's PAID! Nice car, nice clothes. He's an offshoot of the the Muslim Fabio above but on a higher income level. You have no idea what he does though to make all that dough he carries. Also like Muslim Fabio, he's romantic and on top of that he promises unsuspecting women a palace, everlasting luxury and possession of all things material.

Why he's a creep: A running theme here with these guys is lack of Islamic adherence. He has all this money but that Zakat box at the mosque doesn't get any of that bread. You ask him where he works and he stumbles and bumbles, never giving a straight answer. Maybe he "works" at his father's company (aka does nothing and collects a paycheck while daddy holds things down). The I'm rich thing may very well mean that he's in a heckuva lot of debt. Marriage might not even come into the picture, just like Islam won't. He may very well knock you up and run off. If not that, you'll be no more than a trophy to offset the inferiority complex that exists within his ethnicity of people. "Hey, I have a white wife! Shower me with praise! I got the moves like Jagger!"

Your move: Unless you like only speaking when you're spoken to, putting on a fake smile to all these lame gatherings he takes you to flaunt you and wondering why you keep getting phone calls from collectors at all hours of the day, I suggest you tell a guy like this to keep the change.


Achmed the Workaholic

Signs: Never seen in anything other than a dress shirt, slacks and a suit jacket. Cell phone is glued to his hand. Another last to arrive, first to leave at Friday prayers cause he'll be damned if he goes beyond his lunch hour to make a dua or pray any sunnah prayers. A wanderer in the Muslim community because he's always looking for a higher paying job, which demands even more of his time.

Why he's a creep: I know as a Man you're supposed to earn a living and take care of your family but come on! Is time and-a-half for overtime really worth missing out on quality time at home? A woman that gets married to a dude like this better not unpack her luggage because it's more than certain that you won't be staying in that condo long before he gets a job offer in Chicago and it's time to move again. Abu Ibrahim from Islamic Learning Materials said it best, a guy like this is pretty much a, "sperm donor with a job". Has enough time to pop a baby out of you and it's off to work, good luck! Barely around to be a father or a good husband.You converted to Islam and he's not even around to walk you through the steps. Instead, you have to go to a mosque where people who can barely speak English try to school you on all the things you're doing wrong. Hey but at least you have ample money for shopping right? 

Your move: Chances are, if you marry or get with a man like this you'll have money but never much attention or respect. The kids you two had together that you two are supposed to mutually work on bringing up is YOUR problem. The dinner table will always have an empty chair. What good is all that money being brought home if the relationship is empty?


Muslim Mama's Boy

Signs: His mom hovers over him like a helicopter. The masjid, the shopping mall, you name it, she'll be there. Sometimes it's more subtle. She may not be attached to his hip but she's always a phone call away. The mom is usually a little grumpy and talks to him in his native tongue whenever something bothers her.

Why he's a creep: Now this is a little bit of a touchy subject because being a Mama's boy is an admirable thing in Islam. You have to be good to your mother and take care of her. Paradise is under her feet after all. But there's a big difference between being caring and loving your mother and having her oversee and run entire aspects of your life. The Muslim Mama's boy cannot make a decision that isn't influenced by his mother or even ordered by the mother herself. Take this reality and mix it with Mama's boy bringing another woman into his life via marriage and you have World War 3. It can get even worse if the mother is living under the same roof. Often times, the mother didn't even approve of her adult son marrying you but because of his insistence (aka his whining and crying) she gave in. She won't like the way you cook, the way you clean the house, the way you raise the kids. She'll bring in cultural bull from back home and mix it up with proper Islam you learned by actually reading books. The Mama's boy will be stuck in the constant dilemma of trying to please the both of you. Who's going to be calling the shots?

Your move: RUN single ladies! RUUNNNNNN!

Mr. Overseas/Mr. Greencard


Signs: He's either not living in America or visiting it very briefly. You met him on Yahoo! Messenger or some other chat line. He is charming and before even asking for your name is proposing that the two of you meet up and get married. He offers to fly you over to whatever country he lives in, on top of sending you spending money to come see him. He doesn't go into any detail over any other aspect of the relationship past wedding night.

Why he's a creep: Do you really need an elaborate explanation? If you hook up with this kind of weirdo and he even goes so far as to knock you up with a child--It's over. There's no way out. Allah help you after that. These type of men may already be married too, and the second they get that greencard, you'll very likely be dropped like a bad habit. Even though this type of stunt transcends religion, it's utterly despicable when some one who claims to be a Muslim does this. 

Your Move: Ignore. Block. Spam. Restraining Order. Do whatever you can to keep this kook away!

Islam-is-A-Hobby-Guy

Oh, I don't read them. They just look nice.

Signs: The worst of them all and pretty much all of the above profiles of men share this dude's attributes. At face value, he looks alright. Nothing overtly noticeable to raise any sort of alarm. That is, until you get to know him deeper. He rarely prays outside of Eid and Ramadan. He wants you to be Muslim to somehow validate the relationship but other than that, screw it. Don't wear the Hijab, he says. We don't have to be extreme about our religion. O.....kay.

Why he's a creep: Talk about an identity crisis. This guy is so worried about what people think of him and is so obsessed with flying under the radar it's ridiculous. If you gain an interest towards Islam and embrace it on your own, sure he's happy. However, if you start reading up on all the rules and etiquette, that's when he puts his foot down. Now, he doesn't want you hanging out with those sisters who are influencing you. Honestly, he's just worried because if you actually gain a working knowledge of Islam, you're going to bust him out on all the crap he's doing wrong. Stop taking things so seriously! says the man who drinks a little from time to time, gambles, smokes hookah, watches porn when you're sleeping and sits a Qur'an on the bookshelf as a mere artistic decoration.

Your Move: If he's a decent guy and treats you well and you're at least adhering to your deen and increasing your knowledge daily, maybe you can nudge him to step up his game. This will be good for both of you and especially your children. Otherwise, there's plenty of other practicing fish in the sea, toss this one back.

Conclusion

The number one way to prevent a broken heart and a lifetime of misery and regret is to avoid beginning a relationship with someone with these qualities. Sometimes though, you can't help but fall into these relationships with these type of men which can serve as a test from Allah for you. And of course, these qualities usually aren't immediately spotted but can be noticed over time, probably long after you are married. It's best to really keep your eyes and ears open and figure out the intent of these guys.

All too often, I've heard of these poor sisters in Islam that had been done wrong by guys of these type. Some fortunately enough are able to make it through and develop into strong sisters, others crash and burn. A true Muslim man is the absolute opposite of the characteristics above and puts these men to shame. So to my Muslim sisters who are single, proceed with caution among the landscape of suitors who line themselves up for your hand in marriage. And to the non-Muslim women who find themselves pursued or allured by a man who claims to be Muslim, be very careful and arm yourselves with the knowledge of the religion so you can differentiate between a real man or a bum like the above.